frenzied fanatasy (nsfw)

I am home, and you walk in through the door unannounced.

I get up to great you, but before i have chance to speak, you grab my hips and push me hard up against the near wall. you grab my arms with one hand and shove them above my head and hold them there.

my breathing becomes heavy and excited wondering what your going to do next.

You dip your head in close, lips breathing on my lips, and hold them there for much longer than I can handle.
Then you move your mouth to the side of my neck and breath there, sending heat up to my head and neck.
I can't sit still anymore, my movements are begging for you. I turn my head to see if i can beg for a kiss.
you grin, and instead pull my arms up higher, and using your hand, go under me and pull me up off the floor. the pain and heat floods me all at once.

you let go of my arms and allow me to wrap them around your neck, still denying me your lips.

you shove me sharp again into the wall, and i cry out in a mix of happy pain.
... that's the way I want to fall in love

The Care and Feeding of your new Squishington

The Care of your Squish....
Your Squish is in her rejuvenating cycle. After having hit such a rough patch, your Squish needs extra care: 
-- Do not offer advice unless asked. 
-- Do offer hugs  

There may be erratic and unusual behavior. accept and embrace this behavior. In the instance that panic, anxiety or crying occurs, offer hugs and cuddles. Offer an ear to listen if you can. The squish loves you, but she may not be very good at showing it. Or may react negativly to things that do not seem to make sense on the surface. If at all possible, please treat this with patience and kindness. 

Reaching out to see how your new Squish is doing is welcome and good. Its not good for the Squish to be alone for long periods but sometimes she forces exile on herself anyways. 

 The feeding of your squish... 
-- she is picky about her food. do not be offended. 
-- roasted and crispy veggies are her favorite 
-- garden fresh tomatos are close behind 
-- sometimes she eats things that don't align with her ethics, please allow this for the time being. 


V1.0

irrationally angry post

I have strep. Lets start with that. Im sitting alone at home, unable to speak or move without shearing pain. so of course im spending to much fucking time on the internet. you know one of the things i hate about the holidays? people posting pictures of their 'haul' from christmas. it angers me to no end, its like.... hey look at how many friends i have or look how cool i am. or look at what is important to my life is THINGS. this is one of the reasons why i deleted my facebook,and im about to delet it again because of my feed making me so godaym angry.

i had two crazy dreams. one which was the sequal of the other.my dreams were calling this moview twilight, but the only simblance it had was in the sencound dream there was a human who wanted to be turned. the first dream was a in a giant dangerous swamp, with big croked trees inbetween moss and water. loxg / traped in this swamp was a vampire and a were wolf. which are mortal enimies. they both had hiding places because along side them was the biggest more giant alligator you have ever seen. think of the turtle from erm that movie. when they run into each other the alligator appears and they have to work together to keep from dying. they both end up escaping into the werewolfs lair. where they ''''ahem''''' fall in love. in the second dream we are in a big city, like ny. the vampires and werewolves are at war with one another very publickly. and the werewolves appear to be winning. they have created a race of wolves that only attack vamps, and run around the city looking. they are visous. the vamps have created dopplganers to sacrifice to the wolves but it doesn't always work , or there are two many wolves. the city is covered in a purple fog. the vampire vision can spot other vamps very clearly, they simple don't look human. the dream begins with a skyscrapper falling to the wolves, like literally falling, crumbling. killing hundreds of people. its some special occasion and the vamps all want to leave to go to some fancy dinner. the scouts go out and kill every wolf in the path ... we walk buy seeing all these dead black wolves. then we find out one of the vamps was raising to puppys and we crushed them while she cried. its hard to explain this surreal setting. at the resturant an argument broke about about turnning me? into a vamp, and me shaking my head that it wasn't time yet. i feel liek some other 'signification' conversation was had, but at this point i woke up

i just miss him so much. I miss his laughter and then i have these moments where i don't even think he cared about me or loved me. i see his other friends and i just feel lonelier. i feel this darkness inside, and it wants to be light, but when i try, the effort is draining and doesn't change the state of being. i can't say the last time i felt actually happy right now. so much pretending. i want to go home, and be happy. i want something more than a momentary laugh.

Bossy Grrls

Tonight I'll be at Bossy Grrls pin up joint, for Bi - local - visiablity celebration.
I will be showing and selling art, and i would love to see people come out. from 7-10pm.
Im all nerves!

now i miss you.
now i want you.
your not coming back .
i need you.
but i can't have you.
-dido